Room Quality: Big, clean, sedate rooms. The joint does not scream or holler or anything. It just goes quietly about its business of having very clean, large and better-than-average rooms. Actually, the rooms are nice. The colors are outdated in the classic rooms, which are not as updated as the Deluxe rooms (guess which ones cost less). The king-bed rooms have little sofas to pass out on. The rooms have big windows and built-in safes. If you like Hiltons, you'll love Bally's. Two-bed rooms have queens. The South Tower may give a better view of the Bellagio fountains if you can get one facing that direction. The North Tower rooms are bit nicer, though, and easier to get in and out of. The bathrooms have all you would expect, including hair dryers, and are a bit nicer than average. Also, this hotel's location at a prime intersection is hard to beat.

Service Quality: Good. In general, the workers here seem to think Bally's is something special and they act a bit uppity. Wait for check-in can be a nightmare, even late at night.

What You Get Bottles of in the Bathroom: Shampoo, conditioner, mouthwash and lotion. It's not that generic crap. This is honest to goodness brand name stuff with pretty smells.

Clientele: Middle-agers. The place attracts people who aren't going for flash, just someplace plain but better than average. The crowd is mostly late-30s on up to about 110.

How's the Pool? It's a ginormous square and fine for swimming and sunbathing, but not for swinging vine to vine, although the landscaping is pretty nice. The hot tub is big too. The pool doesn't get too crowded, and there is a nice snack bar there. One other big advantage is that the pool is deeper than 3 feet; it actually has a deep end, and that is rare in Vegas. This place also has tennis courts.

Table Games: Blackjack, craps, roulette, Let It Ride, Pai Gow, and others. There's nothing that will surprise you, but they do have a large Asian customer base, and a wider selection of Asian table games. Their single deck blackjack has horrible rules, play elsewhere.

Bet Minimums: $5 at the slow times, moving up on weekends and during holidays. Craps can be as low as $5 with that 3x4x5x brand of odds that rolls off your tongue and makes a dent in your wallet. A high-limit salon has more comfortable chairs and $25 and up limits.

Machines: From a nickel on up to the "Champagne" slots at $100. Heck, if we had $100 we wouldn't be hustling Three-card monte on the bridge in front of the Bellagio. A poor selection of video poker, and nearly zero (if any) full-pay machines.

Cocktails? Fair cocktail service. They might not bring them around often, but when they do they sure are strong.

Who Gets Comps? $25 a hand bettor might see some buffets, and nothing for the rest of us. Rooms, etc. for the people above that. The slot club for owner Harrah's links a lot of properties. It's pretty tight with the freebies, but it is nice to be able to gamble several places with a single card.

al Dente: A good Italian restaurant that likes to give you cheese. We like cheese. The menu is very traditional with spaghetti and meatballs, lasagna, and shrimp scampi included. It's not open Monday or Tuesday, Look for entrees starting in the mid-teens with house specialties all the way up over $30.

Bally's Steakhouse: It's good, but for the price of an entree, there are more interesting steakhouses in town, like Circus Circus. Delmonico, Prime are more expensive options. The decor is New England Hunt Club.

Sidewalk Cafe: A regular cafe serving burgers, breakfasts and salads. You'll be hard pressed to find any values on the menu, including burgers all over $10. It's only open for breakfast and lunch.

Sterling Brunch: In the Steakhouse, they have the Sterling Brunch on Sunday mornings. It's the most expensive brunch in town, but they have all-you-can-eat lobster, caviar and all sorts of other extremely fancy gourmet foods that you're not supposed to wolf down. You're paying for the very best brunch in town, but you're not getting it. Instead, you're getting good food, obsequious service, but not much more than a regular buffet.

Indigo Lounge: "Real Vintage Vegas Excitement" is supposed to make you forget how damn expensive the drinks are. Judging from the talent, that means R & B lounge acts. It's the top-shelf booze in an opulent little room for prices that are sure to make your hair stand on end. But, if you got someone to impress, stop by. Personally, we prefer to get so blotto on cheap and free booze that we think pulling down our pants is impressive.

Jubilee: This is a massive Las Vegas Revue show. It's a ridiculously overblown extravaganza, where, if we remember correctly, some topless showgirls sink the Titanic. They also recreate Samson destroying the temple, along with those crazy topless showgirls, just like in the Bible! If you like the old-fashioned spectacles where girls wear 40 pounds of feathers, this is the best bet in town.

The Price is Right - Live: It's a live recreation of the popular TV game show, except you have to pay to see it, it's live, and Bob Barker isn't there. Still, they give away prizes and you can only imagine how thick the tension gets when you see Plinko played in person.

Number of TVs: They have four big projection screen and about six large HD TVs on the wall. The wall-mounts are for the horses and the others are generally for the sports.

Number of Seats: Around 250. All seats in the front are at long desks with individual TVs.

How Many Betting Windows? Twelve or thirteen, backed up by big electronic signboards, even for the ponies.

Free Drinks? High-limit sports bettors and every chump with a race ticket get drinks. They seem to be strict about this, or at least they were with us.

Snack Bar? No, so stuff a few fat pastrami sandwiches down your pants at the nearby Johnny's Deli.

Minimum Wager: $5 sports, $2 for racing.

Other Notes: For you high-rolllas, there is a super swank VIP room with sofas and real nice TVs. The room looked cooler before, like a stadium. It's cavernous and a bit noisy because of the floors and high ceilings. And, god knows, you want your sportsbook quiet as a church. Still, it's one of the best in town. It's not near the casino, but way the heck at the back of the property behind the Avenue Shoppes, on the way to the monorail.

Number of Tables: They have about ten tables in a fairly roomy room near registration. we say it's roomy because it's an alcove on the casino floor. That means it's loud. On weekends, you may see almost all the tables going. It's non-smoking, but big deal when the casino around you is lighting up.

Comfort of Chairs: Not too bad, actually. Our bums complained less than usual while resting on them.

Closed Room or Open to Casino? Not closed but separate but does not get some of the noise and traffic from the main casino.

Game Spreads and Limits: Mostly Hold 'Em at $3-$6, and no-limit at $1-$2 (occasionally $2-$5). You better know what the heck you're doing at the no-limit or the sharks will eat your shorts and shoes. Maybe your socks too. We once saw one guy eat another guy's sweatshirt.

Beginner Games or Classes? Not here, but weekdays are quiet enough for a beginner to get some help.

How Crowded is the Room? This is a successful room with enough players to keep it busy 24/7. Expect waits on weekends and the occasional weeknight.

Comps? A buck an hour, standard for the Harrah's joints.

How Good Are the Players? Some decent players at all levels, but definitely beatable tourists at the $3-$6 and sometimes the No-limit. The good news is, the bad players keep playing until all their dough is gone.

What Else Do I Need to Know? A rather plain room, but the action is good. This room reopened in a casino that gave up poker once already. When poker stops being popular on TV, expect this room to go away again.