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Room Quality: It depends on where you go. The Augustus Tower is the newest and fanciest of the range of rooms. They have flat screen TVs all over. They are large and a bit rough on the eye because of the loud and garish decor. The Palace Tower are pretty much as nice. Both towers' rooms are large, with fancy tubs and separate showers. But, they cost more. The rooms have more marble than the Italians, great floor-to-ceiling windows, massive beds, first-class sitting areas and large TVs, and much more. Ask for the Augustus Tower and see if you get it, usually it's a pricey premium over the regular rooms. The cheapest rooms, in the Forum Tower, are average at 350 s.f. and up, nicely appointed with iPod docking and fancy showers. Some used to have round beds and whirlpool tubs right in the middle of the room. They're not still that cheesy, sadly.

Service Quality: Good.

What You Get Bottles of in the Bathroom: Gilchrist and Soames shampoo, conditioner, hand lotion and the grand prize in bathroom accessories: the emergency sewing kit! So, if your pants are falling down, book a room here.

Clientele: Folks in their thirties to fifties, and ladies in their twenties looking for men of any age with money to burn. Keep your eye out for the high number of "working ladies" in the lounges at nights.

How's the Pool? They've got five pools in this swanky space, each with its own theme. The Apollo pool is for sunbathing, the Fortune Pool is for swim-up blackjack. If you want a meat market, check out the Neptune Pool. If you want to go topless, or just hang around a pool with topless ladies, try the Venus Pool, which, of course, has an admission fee. The fee is higher for men than women.

Table Games: Blackjack, craps, roulette, Let It Ride, Pai Gow, Carribean Stud, Baccarat. Look around because different blackjack tables have different numbers of decks. Also, some roulette wheels at CP have one green zero, and some have two. (One is better.) Some blackjack pays 6:5 instead of 3:2, making it 8 times worse for the player. The Palace Court is a semi-private gaming area for the real high rollers.

Bet Minimums: $15 table games, going higher on weekends and holidays. Craps is standard 3x4x5x. Roulette is $10 minimum bets. A few oddball games with big house edges are cheaper, too.

Machines: Slots from a penny to $500, with associated levels of cocktail service. A fair selection of video poker. They have video-dealer blackjack and roulette as well.

Cocktails? Pretty good cocktail service, but like all the big places, you can be forgotten or ignored. Especially if you throw up on the waitress. They serve coffee in real mugs, not glasses with a napkin rubber-banded around them.

Who Gets Comps? The slot club combines the slot clubs of several Harrah's properties. It is nice to be able to gamble several places with a single card. For table players, be prepared to throw down green chips for many hours before you even get a buffet.

Augustus Cafe: This the 24-hour coffee shop. The menu is your regular coffee shop fare sort of gussied up. Like the onion rings you like to soak up alcohol with now have parmesan on them, and there is a lot more crab on the menu than your local Denny's. Plus, they have appetizers on their breakfast menu.

Beijing Noodle No 9: A noodle shop, but a fancier one than usual with big fish tanks. The food is pretty good. Noodles are handmade, slice pork, seafood dumplings are good.

Bradley Ogden: A restaurant by "famed" chef Bradley Ogden. To be honest, the most famous chef we know is the Burger King. Hey, the guy didn't get elected king for nothing. Anyway, Mr. Ogden offers farm fresh American cuisine and that means lots of meat, some potatoes and plenty of green vegetables. There is a reasonably priced three-course prix fixe. Well, reasonable for a fancy joint.

Hyakumi: This is a Benihana style restaurant with traditional and innovative contemporary Japanese in a Japanese garden setting. No doubt it's a beautiful room, but the actual teppan yaki-style food is only good, not great. The very good sushi bar overlooks Cleopatra's barge, where some very expensive hookers have been known to ply their trade.

Lago Buffet: The buffet is relatively small, with limited selection, but the room looks terrific and the view of the pool is quite nice. The kind of furniture we'd buy if we hadn't blown our budget on lawn chairs.

Mesa Grill: Bobby Flay, best known for cooking stuff on television, is the guy who most likely won't actually cook your food but has his name on the joint. It's high-price New Mexican cuisine like peppery shrimp and spicy steaks. Good food if you like a little spice or a Mexican flair. Lunch is the best value.

munchbar: Yes, the lack of capitalization in the name is on purpose. It's simple comfort food in a small, basic space, with a bar.

Neros: While Nero fiddled and Rome burned, these chefs were perfecting the traditional fancy meat and potatoes. Big juicy steaks, crab cakes, fresh lobster, and lots of meat for everyone. Prices are high, but you're paying for the decadence and the food. Serves dinner only.

Payard: Payard is primarily a pastry chef and it shows in this small patisserie. The mornings are awesome with great pastries and a fantastic buffet on weekends. Lunches are more standard with soups and sandwiches. In the evenings, there is a three-course dinner. Trust us, breakfast is the time to go for croissants and good breads.

Rao's: Nothing says Rome like a New York Italian joint. This one is an upscale joint based on an East Harlem original. The menu is Italina, with some twists. The food is good, and the service is attentive. Next door is the Rao's coffee, which serves exactly what it says, but only in the mornings.

Restaurant Guy Savoy: Are you super crazy rich, like you could wipe your bum with $100 bills and then hire people just to apply cream to the rash that causes? Yeah, we wish we were too. And if we were, we'd eat at Guy Savoy's once in our life. Savoy has earned three Michelin stars, which is as prestigious as winning an Oscar and NOT winning an MTV award, so he is truly one of the world's great chefs. However, two can easily blow a grand on a meal here.

Sea Harbour: Authentic Chinese seafood, and we mean seriously authentic. So much so, that even the dishes you know the name of taste different than you expect. The many sea cucumbers and abalone, along with braised shark and a few typical dishes are almost uniformly excellent.

Absinthe: This show takes place inside a wooden tent (don't worry, the seats are comfortable) and purports itself to be an adult circus. What you get is some sort Dali-esque production featuring circus, burlesque and vaudeville. There are lovely ladies and bawdy comedy mixed in with high-flying acts.

Celine Dion: The Canadian Crooness belts out her biggest hits, backed by an orchestra. The show is all Celine all the time, so don't pony up unless you like her. Of course, the Colosseum at Caesars is a very nice venue to see music.

Lounges: Cleopatra's Barge is a floating ship/lounge/meat market with Cleopatra's huge boobies hanging from the masthead. During the live entertainment there's a two drink minimum. La Piazza Lounge is less swanky, with an older crowd and has a drink minimum during live shows. Also, there is the Pure Nightclub, which is yet another hipster nightclub with loud music and fancy lights.

Matt Goss: Performing in a place called Gossy Room of Cleopatra's Barge, Matt Goss croons as though he were here sixty years ago, not today. The show features a live band and some scantily clad ladies named the Dirty Virgins. We've read there are tests to confirm that, and wonder if these ladies have taken them.

PURE: Do you enjoy playing chess and backgammon in a secluded, quiet environment? Too dang bad. PURE is one of them fancy high-end nightclubs with hip music and lots of low sofas.

Shadow Bar: This is a swanky place to get inebriated (that's a fancy word for blotto). The draw here is that naked ladies dance behind gauzy curtains, so you get to see their sexy silhouettes writhing.

Number of TVs: Two huge ones for sports and four more huge ones for racing. Then, there are twelve little ones. We don't know if those are the big screens children or if they are orphans.

Number of Seats: About 130 very comfortable seats. The race book has plasmas at private booths, which is pretty swanky. There are about 65 of these, so enough for us, our friends and, then, say, 64 empty booths. The sports book has 60 seats surrounding tables, and every table has a little TV on it so you can watch things real close-up. Seriously, you can see the quarterback's nose hair.

How Many Betting Windows? About 13 windows, with great big electronic scoreboards.

Free Drinks? Yes, if you're a big-money sports bettor or any race bettor. Sort of makes you wonder if betting on the horses is really in your favor.

Snack Bar? Nothing at all. Starve yourself.

Minimum Wager: $10 Sports, $2 Race

Other Notes: The massive room is divided into separate sections for race and sports books, both of which are enormous. There is also a lounge seating area, which is always a plus if you're watching with friends.

Number of Tables: Let's just say there are too many tables to count. There are about 30 in the cash game room, and a whole separate room just for tournaments.

Comfort of Chairs: Oh man, you've hit the motherlode of comfort: leather seating in swivel chairs, so you can swivel your chair and not your head to get a good read on that loose aggressive player who just re-raised your pocket tens.

Closed Room or Open to Casino? Yes, the room is closed off and quite elegant to boot. The tournament room is even more secluded as it is in the back.

Game Spreads and Limits: Stud, Razz, Omaha, Hold 'Em, or so they say. Expect mostly Hold'em with some Omaha. The limits vary for games with the widest range for Hold 'Em, but expect No Limit from $1-$3 and limit from $3-$6 on up. They even have some high-limit games when there is demand.

Beginner Games or Classes? An okay room for beginners, but only at the lowest limit games. They say they will teach beginners in the mornings, but it's not a done deal.

How Crowded is the Room? A crowded, popular room with a good wait-management system. Expect to wait a while on weekends, but weekday they have enough games that you can get in fairly quickly.

Comps? Standard comps of $1 an hour. I bet if you're a big shot they'll give you more. But for most of us, it's just the usual.

How Good Are the Players? There are plenty of good players at all levels to clean out a rookie. That doesn't mean there aren't lots of newbies here, just that they're getting skunked.

What Else Do I Need to Know? Their tournaments, while pricey, are among the best-structured in Vegas, and they have them starting every couple of hours. If you do well, expect it to last for several hours, perhaps even two days.