Room Quality: Fair to poor rooms with few amenities. The rooms in the north tower are bigger and slightly nicer, but are still pretty basic and considerably worn down. The beds are beat to the point of sadness. The south tower rooms are okay but often more threadbare and have some seriously outdated furniture. In either tower, the king bed rooms have a sitting area with a sofa. There is a vanity desk in the room and the bathrooms are fair-sized. The two-bed rooms have two queens. The Club charges more per night for the "Deluxe" rooms and for North Tower, but nothing here is either deluxe or worth paying much extra for. If your main concern is just a place to rest your head and you don't mind the occasional clogged drain, wheezing AC or stained carpet, welcome to the (Las) Vegas Club.

Service Quality: Fair. It's a small hotel so check-in is quick so long as you don't get stuck behind a tour group. The place feels understaffed, so employees may act indifferent or preoccupied.

What You Get Bottles of in the Bathroom: They have bars of soap and bottles of cheap shampoo which, on our last trip, they did not replenish. And yes, things look to be about that bleak here.

Clientele: Lots of people who would describe themselves as "regular guys," bargain hunters and typical middle-class downtown folks. This place is no nonsense, and it attracts people who want Vegas for what's outside, not inside, their hotel rooms.

How's the Pool? The LV Club has no pool of its own, but guests can use the pool at the Plaza across the street. In reality, anybody in the world can go and use the pool at the Plaza, regardless of whether or not they are guests of the Club. It's just that for you, it's officially allowed.

Table Games: The sad, rundown casino has a small pit with blackjack, craps, roulette and 3-card poker. They have some liberal (and weird) blackjack rules at a few tables. The pit is usually pretty quiet, except for the "sexy fetish pit" where you can be dealt to by a naughty nurse, a deceptively seductive librarian, or maybe even a balding, overweight lady with false teeth. What? We all have our own fetishes.

Bet Minimums: Blackjack tables is as low as $3. Craps is sometimes $3 with 345x odds. Roulette can be as low as $1 chips. Nothing really special here, except that some of the blackjack games are good.

Machines: They have lots of machines from a nickel to a dollar. There are some full-pay video poker machines scattered about,. There is a casino area in the rear of the property that has a few slots and a ton of unused space. It is deathly quiet back there.

Cocktails? Fair. This place is quiet a lot of the time, so maybe they don't hire too many cocktail waitresses. If you do get a waitress to serve you, tip her so she remembers you. If you can't flag down a waitress, the bars have drinks at reasonable prices.

Who Gets Comps? At blackjack, a $15 player can probably get a coffee shop comp if he is persistent. Sounds fishy, but then, we've never had more than 10 bucks total to spend so we can't say for sure. The Play Club is a fair slot club.

Tinoco's Kitchen: Tinoco has been cooking food in Vegas for a while and has a good reputation. He now has this breakfast/lunch/dinner joint in the Club. The menu is across the board, with a good range of Italian, some seafood and only a few sandwiches. The dinner menu has steaks, lamb and decent appetizers. If you want coffee shop, there is cheaper downtown. But if you want something tastier, this is a good place.

Foxy's Dance Club: Open weekend nights, this low-budget nightclub features the R&B cover band Next Movement and a decent dance floor. It's the long-neglected back room of the Vegas Club, but at least you aren't getting hustled for table service and champagne.

Sports Memorabilia: It may be pretty passive entertainment, but the Las Vegas Club offers stuff for sports fans to look at. What's as sad as the LV Club is that some of the displays seem to be getting sold off piecemeal and the cases are two-thirds empty.

Superstars of Magic:  We know what you're thinking: we thought the superstars of magic were the big names in huge showrooms on the Strip. No, those are just the stars. The superstars, like Steven Best and Cassandra, turn down those multi-million dollar deals to perform in a dingy converted restaurant in the back of the Las Vegas Club. Enjoy!