Coupons Available for Paris Hotel Vegas: Two-for-one Eiffel Tower rides. (Click Here For More Info.)

Room Quality: The Paris has nice, standard rooms that are a cut below the really fancy Vegas places. But they are pretty gaudy in a good, Vegas way. They are strong colors like blood red and dark woods with a ornate styling. They have large windows with good views, dark-wood armoires (with built-in safes), writing desks and the single king rooms have loveseats. The bathrooms are large and standard for a luxury property, with the always welcome separate tub and shower so everyone can get clean at once. Hairdryers are included. If you're ambitious, ask for a premium room, which is a bit larger than the average room. All rooms have irons and ironing boards to keep you entertained. For a few extra bones you can upgrade to a "Red" room, which has all the aforementioned red and is a little bit fancier.

Service Quality: The service is okay. Room service has an extensive menu. The rooms are clean and towels are brought promptly, when you ask.

What You Get Bottles of in the Bathroom: Shampoo, lotion and mouthwash. The mouthwash is a touch you'll never find in real France because that country's breath is rank.

Clientele: People in their late 30's up to retired folks. This place caters to upper-middle class people with SUVs who never actually drive off-road, and who are keen on having a "total" experience from their hotel.

How's the Pool? The pool area is small and disappointing. It is on the roof, octagon-shaped, and supposedly surrounded by Parisian gardens. Well, there are a few planters around but you'd never think of Paris if they didn't tell you to, especially when it's 120 degrees out. You at least have a cool view of the Eiffel tower from here.

Table Games: There are loads of tables, dealing all the staples: blackjack, craps, roulette, Let It Ride, pai gow and a few sucker games. The pits are laid out pretty logically, sort of radiating from the center of the casino. The blackjack is not too good, but the craps is standard 3x4x5x odds. There is single-zero roulette available to the high-rollers, but double-zero for the rest of us. The ceiling is a comfortable 40-feet overhead, so the surveillance cameras are housed in these corny-looking trellises that run over the table areas. Single-deck blackjack pays a lowly and insulting 6:5.

Bet Minimums: We've found $5 tables at all games on very rare occasions, but $10 tables are more prevalent. At the roulette table, you'll be given $1 chips, but you have to put five or ten of them on the table if you want to play.

Machines: Slots from a penny to the hundreds. There are very few good video poker machines, and the slot areas are crowded. The aisles are narrow so you might jostle some stranger who is sitting nearby.

Cocktails? Pretty good cocktail service, if you don't mind being served by waitresses in really dopey-looking French police costumes. Although, maybe that's a turn on to some. Of course, appropriate swatches of the costumes have been chopped out so you can see cleavage and leg.

Who Gets Comps? The slot club links several Harrah's properties. As a slot player, you won't get much until you're a dollar or higher player, or you're a very dedicated quarter junkie.

Cafe Du Parc: This deli is by the poolside, but be careful! You eat one of these sandwiches and you are not allowed to swim for an hour. Otherwise you might get cramps and drown. My mother said so.

Eiffel Tower Restaurant: Very good French food eleven stories above the Strip and just about the most expensive joint in town. This is the fanciest and most "romantic" restaurant at Paris, and you have to dress accordingly. They serve traditional French cuisine. Make reservations in advance and try to be there for sunset. If you just want to eat even higher up in the air, there are the Rio Voodoo Cafe and the Stratosphere Top of the World restaurant.

JJ's Boulangerie: Fancy, tasty bread on skimpy, overpriced sandwiches. This place is just right for people who love bread more than meat. The big downside is that it's in the shopping mall where you may be assaulted by one of the annoying mimes.

La Creperie: We could make a tasteless joke involving a homonym on the name, but we're too classy for that. Instead, we'll just tell you that the crepes made here are sweet and tasty snacks.

Le Burger Brasserie Sports Grill: Paris is helping to bring white trash into high culture, or vice versa. Either way, this little eatery with big booths serves mostly plain old burgers, except all gussied-up expensive like. The menu also features some burgers with salmon, lamb and vegetarian. Oh, and don't forget the superfancy burger of kobe and lobster with champagne for $777. Go in and get one for you and your date. It'll double their sales for the year from what they told us. As to the claim of "the world's most creative burgers"? Um, yeah, sure.

Le Cafe Ile St. Louis: A "French" coffee shop featuring such breakfast favorites as "French" toast and "omelets." They also serve le hamburger and le cheeseburger. You get the idea, right? It's a coffee shop, but with an extra dollar tacked onto all the prices for the "frogginess."

Mon Ami Gabi: Genuine French cafe food, (or so we think - who has money to really go to Paris?) such as steak frites and sandwiches for lunch, and steak frites and seafood for dinner. This place is quite good and a relative bargain.

Le Provencal: This is a French bistro with a lot of variety that goes beyond just France. Dishes include chicken provençal, sea bass, veal chop and steaks. then, the joint also has a lot of pizzas and pastas.

Sugar Factory American Brasserie: The world's longest and silliest name for a fancy coffee shop belongs to this joint, opened by the folks who create ridiculous luxury lollipops and fancy sundaes. Red velvet pancakes, waffles, steak frites, salads, sandwiches and so on are on the menu for ritzy prices. Don't forget to checkout the chocolate lounge or the outdoor cafe part while you're here. Your diabetic supply company thanks you.

Le Village Buffet:  It's very good, but it better be for the money they charge. They claim it is authentic French food, but it looks more like slightly dressed up American food with some crepes thrown in. We must admit, though, that crepes made to order, and filled with wonderful berries, sound better than a $2.49 steak and eggs. The breads are fresh. The dining area is broken up into small and classy rooms.

Anthony Cools: Cools has been prowling on and off the Strip for a while with the same schtick: basic hypnotism with folks doing naughty things. If you're into hypnotism, there aren't many choice and this is one of them.

Barry Manilow: You have to see Barry Manilow. After all, he can't smile without you. The show hits the highlights of his career, like the Copa, and it also features a bit of magic for good measure. Check with the box office because Barry only plays occasionally.

Chateau Nightclub: Chateau is a 45,000 square foot nightclub with its very own beer garden. The beer garden serves bar food like pizza ad sandwiches and an awful lot of beer. Want to spend nearly ten bucks for a Heineken, here's the place. The nightclub part has pounding music, lots of people, exclusive areas for celebrities and people who pay like them. Another nightclub, in other words.

Eiffel Tower: Let's see, it's half the height and more expensive than the Stratosphere Tower, plus the viewing deck is covered with mesh and very small. Hmmm... Where do you think we'd spend our panoramic-view budget?

Magic of Paris: This is s small show for a reasonable price that plays in the afternoons and early evenings. The magic is mostly sleight of hand, close-up stuff. It also has dancing and marionettes. If you have a puppet phobia (and who doesn't), be forewarned. The show is suitable for kids six and up. It's also getting bad reviews.

Napoleon's: This cigar and cognac lounge has dueling pianos, just because cigar smoke and dudes walking around with snifters isn't annoying enough.

Number of TVs: Eighteen, with ten big screens, split up about evenly for sports and race.

Number of Seats: About 200. The whole first row is reserved. The chairs are plenty comfy, especially the lounge style for sports bettors. You know how them French like nice stuff. Watch the horsies run on individual TVs.

How Many Betting Windows? About 15, and the signboards are lit up like the Eiffel Tower at the end of the century. There are two more windows for keno, meaning this place is heaven on earth: a confluence of keno and sports!

Free Drinks? For race bettors, and hi-rollin' sports bettors only.

Snack Bar? Non, mon ami.

Minimum Wager: $5 for sports and $2 for horses.

Other Notes: Watch out, there are crazy drunk guys in this place who will ask you for sports advice, if our experience is any indication. Just tell them that the Dolphins are an unbeatable lock and they should let you be.