Room Quality: The rooms are a nice size, very clean and tastefully furnished, IKEA style. The two-bed rooms come with two queens, and the one-bed rooms have kings. Two big French doors open up onto the pool (at least those on the pool side do), or a view of the Strip or valley. There is no balcony, though, just doors that open up onto a protective railing. Rumor has it that room service will bring you Oreos and milk if you pay them enough. The bathrooms in the older tower are blah, and the sink is weird, because some designer bought really non-functional faucets. However, this is all fixed in the newer tower, where the bathrooms have tubs large enough for two, functional faucets, marble floors, counters and walls. If you love your bathrooms, make sure you get put in the newer part of the hotel. You get a robe in the rooms, but you can't keep it for free. Flat screen TVs and a stereo too. You can't keep them, either. Looking to go fancier than a regular room? Try the larger, swankier suites in the HRH Tower. The smallest suites are over 700 s.f. and have 2000 songs juke boxes, a couple TVs and the bathrooms have big 'ol tubs that seat two.

Service Quality: Good. If you aren't old, they will treat you like you belong there. It helps a lot to have a goatee (boys) or fake boobs (girls). Vice versa isn't much help. Take your I.D., though, because they are really scared of being raided thanks to their reputation a hotspot for the youth.

What You Get Bottles of in the Bathroom: It's all snooty Gilchrist and Soames stuff, which is actually made in Indiana. The bottles used to be larger than average hotel fare, but they have cut back and now the bottles are nothing special.

Clientele: Single fraternity and sorority members in their 20's, looking to become unsingle or at least get some action. There also is a perpetual cougar advisory. And, of course, sort of creepy older guys trolling for young women impressed by the appearance of wealth.

How's the Pool? Top notch. A great place for picking up chicks or guys, which is what this place is all about. It looks like it came right out of MTV Spring Break. There are sand beaches along a meandering stream-like pool, and plenty of places to ogle the opposite sex. There is a bar area with swim-up blackjack. Just bring lots of sunblock in case you get on a roll with the opposite sex. We have body-image issues, so we'll be the guys in the T-shirts down to our knees.

Table Games: The casino has many tables of all the popular games like blackjack, roulette and craps. The blackjack once had generous rules, but no longer and now some are 6:5. The bastards! If you want to watch go-go dancers while you wager, check out the little Hells' Belle's area of the casino.

Bet Minimums: Ten bucks or higher for craps, with 3x4x5x odds. Blackjack starts at $10, but don't go looking for tables at those rates on weekend nights when the LA jackasses hit the town. Roulette is played with $1 chips and a $5 minimum. They often have a few sucker games for $5, like Caribbean Stud and No-bust 21.

Machines: Slots from a penny to $100. The slots have "rock" themes with as well as all the typical lame sot themes based on old TV shows and movies.

Cocktails? Fair cocktail service.The waitresses (who are often very pretty) here are more likely to get a big tipper drunk, and a big tipper means $5 a drink. In our experience, if you're just an average joe who tips the average amount, they won't be back very often.

Who Gets Comps? We've gotten a couple of free nights here, but only because they thought we were someone we're not. Mostly, you need to be playing the black chips to get free rooms. At the slots, the Rockstar club gives you decent rebate in play. They also rate $10 and up bettors at their tables. Not sure what they do with that information, but we know they will rate you if you ask.

Ago: Tuscan Italian with a view of the pool. There is a fair number of vegetarian pastas mixed in with pastas with seafood and meats such as wild boar. There are also some solid meat dishes like lamb, veal and pork chops, and squab. Seriously, squab.

Hard Rock Cafe: On the edge of the Hard Rock property is the Hard Rock Cafe, just like in every other big city. The food is overpriced, the music is too loud and there is a lot of rock and roll memorabilia on the wall. This is not within the hotel, but about 100 yards away.

Johnny Smalls: The shareable menu is going hog wild in Las Vegas with taps places opening up left and right. This joint offers shareable meals, basically appetizers, including Asian, tapas, Italian, Mexican and American. It's casual, and if you eat light, cheap. If you want a meal, though, plan to bring a few friends and order several bites to split up.

Mr. Lucky's: The Hard Rock's "rockin'" version of a coffee shop is, well, a coffee shop, but with more types of appetizers on the menu. Ask the waitress what the unadvertised specials are, because they have a great steak and shrimp special that isn't on the menu.

Nobu: Outstanding food, pretentious atmosphere and high prices. It's Japanese cuisine with a Latin American twist. All we can think of is former Peruvian president Alberto Fujimori. They have a reputation for having the best sushi in Vegas, but we have a suspicion that comes from the high regard this place's New York outpost owned. That's not to say it's bad fish, but we're always wary of reputations. Open for dinner only.

Pink Taco: Yes, the title is somewhat vulgar, but that's what the kids dig. It's a loud place for Mexican food by way of California. Better food can be had in California at an El Pollo Loco or Rubio's. But since you're not in California, this may have to suffice. If you need attitude with your salsa, you'll love it here.

Rare 120: They say they are taking the "stuffy" steakhouses of the past and putting a hip spin on it. Hmmm. The menu includes a lot of staples of the modern steakhouse (of which there are many in Vegas), including loads of steak, plus Chilean Sea Bass, tuna and lobster tail. They also claim their a la carte menu is revolutionary. In fact most Vegas steakhouses are now a la carte. It's just a way to make your meal cost more with looking too pricey on the menu.

The Bar: In the middle of the casino is a huge, round bar where hipsters in turtlenecks and slinky dresses drink martinis, smoke overpriced cigars and partake of a mating ritual that would surely be of interest to National Geographic. Go, sit back, and watch with amused detachment as guys and girls try a little too hard.

The Joint: A rock concert venue that seats about 2000 and has very good sound. Check the schedule on their web site because they have some of the most interesting acts coming to town. Carlos Santana has a long-term deal and plays frequently.

SkyBar: This joint is right by the pool and servies as a dayclub and nightclub. This is a hipster joint with super-pricey drinks and lots of places to lounge. Its best feature is probably looking at folks in bathing suits by the Hard Rock pool.

Vanity: Joining the crowded field on one-word name upscale nightclubs is Vanity. It has two marble bars, 14,000 s.f. and 50 private VIP booths, so there are plenty of opportunities to pay a fortune for bottle service (it starts at $500... seriously). Looks to us like another place that has artificially manufactured its own exclusivity.

Wasted Space: It's not really wasted space, because the owners haul in a boatload on overpriced drinks in this club/bar that can host live shows or just have you hang out on sofas. In the advertising and promotion they call it an anti-club, but it's really just a... club.

Number of TVs: Seventeen plasma screen sets. All of them are pretty small, which is surprising considering how important having a big set is around here.

Number of Seats: They have sixteen barstools. Nothing in here is singing out to your heiny.

How Many Betting Windows? Three windows. Signboards are electronic.

Free Drinks? You need to get a free drink chit when you place your bet, then pray that the ballgame you're watching doesn't go into extra innings.

Snack Bar? No snacks, and no snack bar nearby. I guess the snotty rich kids are too busy on their Atkins diets to mess with greasy snack foods.

Minimum Wager: $5 will get you in the sports action, $2 for racing.

Other Notes: The casino isn't very big, and the sportsbook is in a glass walled-off room just off the main casino floor. That means it can be pretty noisy in here.

Number of Tables: Eighteen tables fill this very, very nice room. The Hard Rock is late to this party, but at least they are doing their room quite well.

Comfort of Chairs: The seats are very comfortable, high-backed suede with rollers. This setup is not only comfortable but safe as the high backs will keep you from spilling out when you go careening across the room after a huge win.

Closed Room or Open to Casino? Well, it's pretty closed off, and it feels like a very welcoming cave. The poker room has its own lounge for drinking hooch and smoking stuff. It's a little tight, but overall quite comfy in here.

Game Spreads and Limits: No limit is $1-$2 and $2-$5 are regulars, with $3-$6 and $4-$8 limit less regular. They may get a mixed game going if there is enough interest.

Beginner Games or Classes? No, but they will teach you if it is slow and you ask nicely. Also, if you have large breasts spillin gout of your shirt, you have a better chance.

How Crowded is the Room? The room seems to get four to six tables going during busy times. It's a doggone shame to see so many nice tables go to waste.

Comps? It's a tiered structure with the lowest limit games netting a buck an hour for you, and the fancier games getting you $1.50. They also have high hand jackpots, which is a comp of sorts, but only for good players. So, not us.

How Good Are the Players? The players are generally pretty poor. For now, a few sharks may be prowling the $2-$5 and up no limit games. But at the lower limits, you're going to find a lot of yahoos who come down from their rooms and are filling time until the nightclubs open. Late weekend nights have to be a virtual feeding frenzy.

What Else Do I Need to Know? This is truly a great room. It is dark, but in a nice way. It feels closed off and still welcoming. The tournaments structures are deep and great values. The downside is that not many people are signing up for them.