Room Quality: We'll talk about the Resort Room because it's the basic one and the only one they would ever let us near. These are about the same size as Rio and Venetian at 640 s.f. They are done in muted, dark colors like chocolate and other golden browns. Windows are floor to ceiling, which is fantastic for those of us who like for our feet to see. Beds are plenty comfortable, as are the sofa and table. The bathroom is on par with the other fancy places in town. Big soaking tub and separate shower, two sinks, private toilet (which our roommates always appreciate). Flat screen TVs in the living room and bathroom for those who can't get enough CNBC. Really damn swanky towels. Oh, there is Internet access, but guess what? It costs extra. What a scam. Oh, the electric drapes are a nice touch. We always get so worn out opening and closing drapes. The rooms have some odd-looking 80s touches in the furniture legs and other accoutrements, and the overall feel is pretty ostentatious. For the man or woman with spare cash to throw around, upgrade to the tower Suites where you get a private entrance and even fancier service. Who knows? Maybe some guy in a tux comes up and sings you to sleep.

Service Quality: It's a bit obsequious, meaning there's plenty of employees but they are more interested in you knowing you're getting great service than anything else. Oh, and expect to pay for anything extra. Check-in is as painless as a hotel this size can be.

What You Get Bottles of in the Bathroom: Desert Bambu-brand bath amenities. That's supposed to sound fancy, but the brand only exists here at Wynn. so, for all we know, it might be Lifebuoy with a new wrapper. That's okay; we're plenty happy with a bar of Lifebuoy and a "Sanitized for your Protection" strip on the toilet that isn't already torn.

Clientele: The rich who love to be seen, and the not-so-rich who love to be seen so long as their credit limit isn't maxed. This is a very showy hotel, and any understatement is lost because they keep yelling about how understated it is. Expect a lot of the California new wealth, loads of Lexus, Mercedes and BMWs driven by people in their late 30s through 60s.

How's the Pool? One of the nicer pool areas in town, although meant more for hanging out than swimming. The main pool is a long pool with nice tile and a bridge overhead. It opens into a large, oval shaped pool. The cabanas are really expensive to rent, and have flat screen TVs. If Wynn is all it's cracked up to be, there should be plenty to see right by the pool, and you won't need to watch Jerry Springer while there. "European" bathing is available for woman who like to tan their European mammaries.

Table Games: Nothing surprising here. In fact, it feels a lot like the Bellagio. You'll find a lot of tables, dealing roulette, craps, blackjack, 3-card poker, Let-it Ride, pai gow, Baccarat and at least one of most of the oddball games, too. They even have had "War", which isn't what we'd call a "reinvention" of a Las Vegas casino. There is single-zero roulette in the high-limit areas, and there is blackjack in single-deck, double-deck and shoes. Single deck is the crappy 6:5. Not too classy, Wynn! Craps is 3-4-5x, which is standard and not as good as you can get. One plus is the poolside blackjack in the Cabana Bar for hotel guests.

Bet Minimums: Expect $10-$25 at the blackjack table, the same at craps, and $10 or higher at most other tables. There are a few tables at the minimums and lots at higher rates. In the evenings, and especially weekends, minimums can go as high as $100.

Machines: Well, as ritzy as the place is, they've still got penny, nickel and quarter slots. Then, they run way up to $5000. No, we didn't accidentally add three zeros to that. Not to you: if you're playing $5000 slots, you have a problem--either addiction or stupidity. There are a few decent VP machines but nothing we saw paid more than 100% back to the trained player.

Cocktails? Outstanding cocktail service served by ladies in somewhat fancy outfits. But, it is as classy as near-nudity can be. The ladies are quite attractive. And be sure to get your hooch here for free because the bars charge per drink what we pay for our hotel per night.

Who Gets Comps? Hiiiiiiiigh-rolllllawrs, that's who gets comps. The slot club pays back 0.22% but not in cash, just in more play. You can earn meals and rooms, too, but expect it to take a very long time for us cheapskates. For table players, ask to be rated at $50 and above. Expect to be a purple-chipper before any notable comps roll in.

Alex: This high-end French gourmet room has duck, lobster, truffles, venison and other snooty dishes. The tasting menu and prix fixe meals are usually around $150 and up a head, and that's before wine. If you're like us, a few bottles of Carlo Rossi can add quickly. Oh, a jacket is suggested, and they don't mean your Members Only.

Bartolotta di Mare: This Italian seafood restaurant has incredible and lovely views, as well as decent food. The restaurant itself is just okay looking, but that view! It ain't cheap, but it's the sort of place you want to take a loved one to really dazzle him before revealing that you too were once a man. He'll be so impressed with the view he probably won't care much.

Country Club Grill: They say it's a club, but it's a steakhouse on a golf course and they try to keep us out. We're not sure what the story is, just that they kept coming up with more and more excuses to keep us out. It sure smelled like charbroiled steaks, but they also have seafood, and sandwiches at lunch. Oh yeah, their hot dog is double-digits in price.

Daniel Boulud: Is it just us or are there so many celebrity chefs that you need a scorecard to keep them all straight? This restaurant has spectacular views of Wynn's waterfall and is located at the bottom of a spiral escalator. The eatery features a limited menu of continental cuisine such as duck, seafood, steaks, and of course an extremely fancy hamburger (it has short ribs stuffed inside the buirger) at an ungodly price. The fabulous view is part of the draw, we think.

Okada: A high-end sushi and Japanese restaurant. The food is fresh and very good. The prices are, if you can believe this, not outrageous, especially when compared to Nobu or Hiyakumi. One of the best sushi places in town, and in one of the prettiest rooms.

Red 8: Affordable and pretty good? Are you sure we're still at Wynn? This Chinese restaurant is right across from the high-roller slots, and serves fair portions of good traditional dishes like oxtail soup and vegetable fried rice.

Stratta: A very red Italian restaurant serving some modern interpretations of Southern Italy classics. The menu is meat-heavy, which is a good think for us, and features veal, chicken, beef and not too much seafood.

SW Steakhouse: Located across the atrium from Daniel Boulud, this place has spectacular views of the waterfall and a pricey continental menu featuring meat like lamb, salmon and steaks. It seems odd for a place to have two continental restaurants with such similar menus, views and prices so close to each other. But hey, we aren't rich or fancy, so we don't understand a lot of things.

Tableau: Is this the most expensive coffee shop in the world? Or is it the strangest menu for a gourmet restaurant ever? Crab club sandwiches for lunch, along with a kobe beef hamburger and Cobb salads. Eggs, bacon, potatoes and coffee for breakfast runs you about five times what it costs at Denny's. Then, for dinner, it's steaks, lobster, Dover sole and other meals you'd find in a mid-America gourmet house. It's all pretty good, but not destination dining, and too pricey for just stopping by.

Terrace Pointe Cafe: A ridiculously overpriced coffee shop. It's a nice looking room, maybe the nicest in Vegas. but the prices are about 75% higher for every menu item that you would expect. and it's just regular old coffee shop food dressed up a little.

Wing Lei: Shanghai cuisine with a French influence. There is quite a bit of seafood on the menu, like black cod, prawns and shrimp. There are also some traditional Chinese dishes, but they are traditional in name only, with richer sauces than you're probably used to. There are some prix fixe meals that provide the best sample of the dishes.

Wynn Buffet: Just about as good as the other three or four best upscale buffets, with the added bonus of a very pretty room. That is to say, it's way better than the lower end crud, but this is not a reinvention of the buffet. There are nice touches, such as sushi and good steaks. The desserts are fantastic, especially the layer cake. and some of the shellfish are better than elsewhere.

Zooza Crackers: We have no idea what the name means, but the place is supposed to be something like a traditional deli. Of course, they fancied it up a bunch so it looks and smells nothing like a real deli. Sandwiches are generous-sized, burgers are pretty regular, and the room looks more like a Starbucks than anything else.

Gallery: The fine art gallery is where Steve Wynn gets a chance to drive home the point of how damn classy he thinks he is. You can view fine art and, he hopes, admire Mr. Wynn even more. This isn't a world-class art museum or gallery, but it's showy and known more for the price of the paintings than their relevance.

Le Reve: Franco Dragone created that Celine Dion Banshee wail production and now brings his Cirque-honed skills to Wynn for Le Reve. Aquatic, just like "O", Le Reve is a collection of dream sequences, they say, starring a guy named Wayne (whom we assume is from Canada like all Waynes) who is led through his dreams by Morpheus. Expect more of the French-Canadian circus razzle-dazzle. Some dream sequences are startling, some are boring. the theater in the round means there are no bad seats, and half the pleasure is just watching the intrcacies of the production.

Nightclubs: we wish we'd thought of the idea of fancy lighting, low-seating and loud music systems so we could charge $300 for an $18 bottle of hooch, too. Blush and Tryst are the two overpriced nightclubs with artificially-created exclusivity to justify the absurd prices. Seriously, these places are nothing more than your local travern with better lighting and art.

Shopping: Loads of fancy-dandy shops including Maserati (boring cars) and Ferrari (overpriced cars) dealerships. We can't imagine anyone buying any of these expensive clothes, jewelry and tchotchkes without first going online and seeing what a reasonable price would be. But, it's probably fun to wander around with your jaw open.

Spamalot: Here comes another Broadway hit to Las Vegas. It's as though the city is determined to become the largest consumer of New York's leftovers. In this case, it's the comedy musical based on "Monty Python and the Holy Grail." That means lots of silliness abounds, and they add a few lame pop-culture references just to let you know they aren't resting on their laurels, just cashing in on them.

Number of TVs: Three big screens are comprised of four smaller screens each. There are also about 20 smaller TVs. Overall, the place feels like it could use a few more.

Number of Seats: 125 seats for the race fan, each with its own nice little TV with an interactive betting feature. There are about 50 seats for sports plus some VIP lounge seating. These may be the most comfortable seat sin any sports book in town. The leather was so buttery we tried spreading it on our toast.

How Many Betting Windows? About 13 windows backed up by electronic signboards.

Free Drinks? The cocktail waitresses only serve free drinks to folks making big bets. Boo! We only make big bets once we've had a bunch of free drinks.

Snack Bar? No snack bar in the area, but there is the Zoozacracker deli nearby. It's too classy to sell hot dogs or popcorn, though.

Minimum Wager: Five bones for sports and the usual $2 for racing.

Other Notes: The sports book is an odd shape, with a chunk cut off for the bar. Sports are not as emphasized as racing here. Overall, the room is smaller and less spectacular than we expected, and a notch below the best on the Strip. The abstract art on the walls is out of place and looks pompous, as though sports images are beneath Wynn.

Number of Tables: Twenty-six tables in the space for about 22.They are basic green felt with nothing fancy on them except Steve Wynn's name. Expect to find games 24/7 and almost all tables going at night. Nice lighting.

Comfort of Chairs: These chairs are pretty good and comfortable, but not incredible. Simply above average. We were expecting something more exciting.

Closed Room or Open to Casino? No, the room has a rail but is not closed. Still, it's quiet because they don't want anyone yelling or acting happy in this joint.

Game Spreads and Limits: Stud, Hold 'Em and Omaha. Look for limits from $3-$6 up through the roof. No-limit starts at $1-$3 and goes up.

Beginner Games or Classes? If you are a beginner, this is not the place for you. That is, unless you're keen on losing. Sure, there are other beginners here, but there are enough good players at all levels to take your chips.

How Crowded is the Room? Are you kidding? The place is a madhouse. Expect to wait for almost any game on any night. If you get there in the afternoon, you might be able to jump in. The one beautiful thing is the electronic notification for people on waiting lists and hotel guests can check on the televisions in their rooms.

Comps? $1 an hour in comps. La de da.

How Good Are the Players? There are enough pros and very good players in the 10-20 and higher games to keep the schmucks out. Well, the schmucks who know better anyway. That means not us. Yeah, right, like we'll be playing $10-$20.

What Else Do I Need to Know? This is one of the nicest poker rooms. It's well lit, comfy, but a little crowded. It's also sort of sterile. So, while it's nice, it's not one of our favorites.