Jokes That Just Don’t Fly in Vegas

Jokes That Just Don’t Fly in Vegas

Well, we all know that Daniel Tosh has no boundaries, but when you’re in Vegas trying to have a good time, it might not be the same story.

First of all, you don’t have a whole theatre full of people who are paying to see you be offensive, so a lot of people think that’s reason enough to keep your mouth shut when you don’t have anything good to say. If you’re an average Cheap0 like us, there are certain things that you just can’t get away with joking about in Las Vegas, for several reasons. (Unless of course you’re The Gazillionaire.)

There are a lot of people in Vegas that you really shouldn’t offend, so don’t bite the hand that feeds you, deals your cards, serves your drinks, lets you in the club or handles the credit card you book your room with. These are a few of the jokes that just don’t fly in Vegas, so know before you go, and way before your stupid joke draws crickets or, worse yet, cuffs..

Don’t diss the King. Elvis is The King, and we don’t take kindly to anyone who makes fun of him or anybody impersonating him. (Unless he’s Big Elvis at Harrah’s; that guy kills it. Dudes hanging out on every corner of The Strip? Not so much…)

Don’t joke about being a lot richer than you are. Seriously, stop kiddin’ yourself – and your bank account – by throwing down a dime on red. The only one laughing will be Vegas… all the way to the bank, that is. Be smart and check out ways to save cash and (hopefully) not spend all your life savings in Vegas.

Don’t go to Vegas joking about reenacting scenes from movies. The Hangover, Ocean’s Eleven, Fear and Loathing, Swingers… All of which are awesome movies that take place in Vegas, but few of which resemble what we consider reality. (Though Jon Favreau leaving voicemail after voicemail does hit pretty close to home.) Besides, if you think you’re going to end up on the roof of Caesars Palace, you’re just one more goof in Vegas, and that’s no good for anyone.

Don’t wear a terrible outfit because you think it’s funny. Seriously, nobody thinks you’re funny except you and possibly the guy you came with that hasn’t taken more than two breaths between margarita gulps since he got here. He thinks everything is funny, but bouncers at the club and entertainers on the Strip have already labeled you “that guy” and probably won’t be letting you in. Leave the Hawaiian shirt at home, brah.

Don’t be a comedian on Twitter. Unless you’ve got Twitter on your phone, don’t log-in with any of the hotels in your room and expect to pay less than $14 a day. If you have to make fun of someone you see on the Strip, upload embarrassing photos of your friends or tell the world you just ran into the entire cast of Thunder From Down Under (#dreamcometrue), do it via phone or wait until you get home!

Don’t joke about having a fake ID. That will not help you get anywhere in life, ever. If you’re really 21 and up, there’s no reason to joke that you’re not. If you’re not, they’ll probably be able to tell; joke’s on you, buddy.

Don’t make fun of the Cheapos. Sorry* that we like good prices, no resort fees and all the freebies that the city has to offer. (OK, not all the freebies; you can hang on to those 1pm hypnosis show tickets. Seriously, we’re good.) We call it being awesome practical, and while you’re gambling away your savings at the Bellagio because you didn’t know about all the Vegas tips that Cheapo Vegas tried to warn all you first timers about, we’re getting weird at our favorite (yes, cheapo) bars, or partying like VIPs for free and meeting ladies and having the time of our lives.

*Editor’s Note: We’re not sorry

Don’t use the “What Happens in …” tagline to get away with everything. In the age of the Internet, nothing actually stays, well, here. Not to mention the ATM charges, poor buffet choices and mistake wives can be pretty haunting, too. Just take our advice and know that whatever happens here will be following you around well after you hop on a plane to bid Sin City adieu. What we’re saying is, don’t do anything we wouldn’t do. Assuming, you know, we can think of something…

Don’t joke about your friend having drugs on him. We’re not really sure why you would do this, but, it certainly will not end up fun for your friend, and you have got some bad karma coming your way if you and your “bro” end up explaining your loud mouth to the po-po.

Don’t joke about counting cards. That’s just dumb. Plus, we all know you can’t count to 52.

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