Jokes That Just Don't Fly in Vegas
Well, we all know that Daniel Tosh has no boundaries, but when you’re in Vegas trying to have a good time, it might not be the same story.
First of all, you don’t have a whole theatre full of people who are paying to see you be offensive, so a lot of people think that’s reason enough to keep your mouth shut when you don’t have anything good to say. If you're an average Cheap0 like us, there are certain things that you just can’t get away with joking about in Las Vegas, for several reasons. (Unless of course you're The Gazillionaire.)
There are a lot of people in Vegas that you really shouldn’t offend, so don’t bite the hand that feeds you, deals your cards, serves your drinks, lets you in the club or handles the credit card you book your room with. These are a few of the jokes that just don’t fly in Vegas, so know before you go, and way before your stupid joke draws crickets or, worse yet, cuffs..
Don’t diss the King. Elvis is The King, and we don’t take kindly to anyone who makes fun of him or anybody impersonating him. (Unless he’s Big Elvis at Harrah’s; that guy kills it. Dudes hanging out on every corner of The Strip? Not so much...)
Don’t joke about being a lot richer than you are. Seriously, stop kiddin' yourself - and your bank account - by throwing down a dime on red. The only one laughing will be Vegas... all the way to the bank, that is. Be smart and check out ways to save cash and (hopefully) not spend all your life savings in Vegas.
Don’t go to Vegas joking about reenacting scenes from movies. The Hangover, Ocean’s Eleven, Fear and Loathing, Swingers... All of which are awesome movies that take place in Vegas, but few of which resemble what we consider reality. (Though Jon Favreau leaving voicemail after voicemail does hit pretty close to home.) Besides, if you think you’re going to end up on the roof of Caesars Palace, you’re just one more goof in Vegas, and that's no good for anyone.
Don’t wear a terrible outfit because you think it’s funny. Seriously, nobody thinks you’re funny except you and possibly the guy you came with that hasn’t taken more than two breaths between margarita gulps since he got here. He thinks everything is funny, but bouncers at the club and entertainers on the Strip have already labeled you "that guy" and probably won’t be letting you in. Leave the Hawaiian shirt at home, brah.
Don’t be a comedian on Twitter. Unless you’ve got Twitter on your phone, don’t log-in with any of the hotels in your room and expect to pay less than $14 a day. If you have to make fun of someone you see on the Strip, upload embarrassing photos of your friends or tell the world you just ran into the entire cast of Thunder From Down Under (#dreamcometrue), do it via phone or wait until you get home!
Don’t joke about having a fake ID. That will not help you get anywhere in life, ever. If you’re really 21 and up, there’s no reason to joke that you’re not. If you’re not, they’ll probably be able to tell; joke’s on you, buddy.
Don’t make fun of the Cheapos. Sorry* that we like good prices, no resort fees and all the freebies that the city has to offer. (OK, not all the freebies; you can hang on to those 1pm hypnosis show tickets. Seriously, we're good.) We call it being awesome practical, and while you’re gambling away your savings at the Bellagio because you didn’t know about all the Vegas tips that Cheapo Vegas tried to warn all you first timers about, we’re getting weird at our favorite (yes, cheapo) bars, or partying like VIPs for free and meeting ladies and having the time of our lives.
*Editor's Note: We’re not sorry
Don’t use the “What Happens in …” tagline to get away with everything. In the age of the Internet, nothing actually stays, well, here. Not to mention the ATM charges, poor buffet choices and mistake wives can be pretty haunting, too. Just take our advice and know that whatever happens here will be following you around well after you hop on a plane to bid Sin City adieu. What we're saying is, don't do anything we wouldn't do. Assuming, you know, we can think of something...
Don’t joke about your friend having drugs on him. We're not really sure why you would do this, but, it certainly will not end up fun for your friend, and you have got some bad karma coming your way if you and your “bro” end up explaining your loud mouth to the po-po.
Don’t joke about counting cards. That’s just dumb. Plus, we all know you can't count to 52.
If you really want to make jokes at other people's expense, we recommend doing what Casino Boy did and create a website dedicate to just that! Anyways, since we love hearing from other Cheapos, let us know what the worst joke in Vegas you heard was on Facebook, Twitter or Google+.
(P.S. Alert to the Cheapos! We have a new feature on our blogs; listen up if you want to know how it works - or just press buttons until something happens like the rest of us do. From now on, you can find hotels near the events, places and fun cheapo things to do that you’re always reading about in our blogs. (Because you definitely read every single blog we write, right?) Granted, this feature is less relevant for this blog because you can stay anywhere in Vegas and still not really be able to say these things, but you can still use it to find a hotel for when you do want to stay in your price range and luxury level. Pick your dates, adjust the buttons and let Cheapo Vegas help you find a place to crash. Plus, you can still comment on our blog - and we highly encourage that you do so - in the comments section below!)
Comments
Funny. The old Trip Reports section on this site was full of ALL OF THESE THINGS. (Except the Twitter bit, possibly.)
hey I promised to post some things from this year's trip when I got back... Im back. :-)
some more things people should know before they screw up...
1. if you plan on riding the bus out to the Clark County Museum ( GREAT bargain btw... the museum that is... at only $2 for adults and $1 for seniors)particularly from anywhere on Boulder highway, you cannot take the express bus all the way to that museum. you have to change to the 405 somewhere on that route so you might as well just get on it in the first place. ALSO to any bus rider... the express busses do not work the same way as the deuce does in the way you get your bus pass! you cannot just hop on the bus by the driver and put in your $5 and have the pass pop back out of the machine.
the express busses have their ticket vendor in the middle of the bus, and when you go to get your ticket do NOT just put your money in first! you have to push the A button first, THEN put in your $5 bill, and THEN push the B button and THEN it will spit out your pass. if you put your money in first it will eat your money and the bus driver will not even talk to you let alone give you your pass or your money back.
2. The bus passes on the strip cost more than the bus passes on any of the side streets, so if you want to save a couple of bucks each for an extra $2 margarita at Bill's then hop a bus at a location off the stip and you can get the same 24 hr pass for $5 instead of $7. so if you are going to get a pass anyway, like... to get back to sams at midnight, then just take the bus from the corner of Flamingo and Boulder hwy. by the Pizza Hut, in the first place, and don't bother to take the shuttle. you will save $2 per person.
3. If you stay at Sam's Town they do have a great shuttle service to the strip and back and to downtown Freemont and back BUT the last bus back to Sams is not going to get you back if you want to stay later into the evening. the last bus from Harra's on the strip to sam's is at 6 pm, and the last bus from Freemont is at 9 pm, so you are not going to be able to stay downtown and listen to Carl Ferris ( who doesnt get there til dusk) or take advantage of the $11.99 steak and lobster dinner at the Freemont which doesnt even start til 9p.m.
4. If you stay at Sam's town do not think that you can just walk down the sidewalk and cross the street to walmart the close way, without walking an extra quarter of a mile up to the intersection of Boulder Highway and Perry.. its a $300 fine of you do not cross in the cross walk ( we didnt get a ticket... we knew better) and the nexty cross walk is way down by the Cannery! past Walmart. you MUST go up to the corner of Perry and Boulder and cross and then walk back to Walmart.
ok thasts all I can think of now... maybe more later